The Rising: I am KCAB!!!

After a hiatus, here I am, back with yet another god damn post. However, let me warn you, this is no movie review of the Aamir Khan, Tobie Stevens starrer Bollywood biggie, which, incidentally, also marks the return of the Ace Khan himself, after a hiatus of 4 long years. While Mr Khan was preparing himself, the perfectionist that he is, for the movie during his sabbatical, I was just busy with doing nothing in the last two and a half months. And then one fine day, which happens to be today, I wake up from my hibernation, or perhaps, cybernation as some cyber freaks might put it, and decide to give my neurons a good shake to churn out something creative for The Melting Pot of ICE.

I've always believed that engineering destroys creativity. Do not misunderstand me (especially my fellow wannabe techies and my ancestral techies), but it is a fact if you give a good thought to it. A good engineer tries to think and relate everything around him with engineering terms and phenomena. Why, there have been cases of some flirty etudes of the wannabe techy family trying to impress their better halves pretending to be diligent and sound in their area of specialization by making references to serial and parallel ports. Now this is just an example. The other day, we were all out in the city, going for dinner, when our bus was caught in the middle of the usual traffic jam. On one side, the bus was snailing forward by millimeters, irritating the passengers and on the other side, our very good friend (name withheld by request) comes up with this amazing analogy. "Hey guys!" he exclaims, "I've just discovered this interesting analogy." Since there was nothing better to do, the jobless me and my pals were all ears. The girls took a break from their discussions about the latest developments in the conflict between two ladies of the batch, which was nothing short of a soap opera. "A traffic jam is very much like the movement of charges in a semiconductor."

Well, before we proceed, let me warn you that the following description of a painstaking traffic jam is filled with technical terms that would be comprehended only by those who are in anyway remotely connected with science or to be more precise, those who have a decently good knowledge of material sciences, perhaps.

"The movement of charges," he continued his rendition, "in semiconductors is the result of movement of electrons and holes. Now, in reality, its only the electron that moves and when the electron moves, it leaves a space or a void at its initial position, which we refer to as a hole. So as the electron moves forward, a hole is created, which is filled by another electron which moves from its place, where now a new hole is formed." Now, dear reader, take a break and go through the above once again, if you are confused. Back to the analogy, "Ergo, as the electron moves forward, the hole moves backward. Now we all know this. Relating it to a traffic jam, when there is a vacancy created by a car, there is a void which motorists refer to as a gap (subjected to differ depending on the global positioning of the motorist). Now, another car fills this void, thereby leaving a new void in its initial position. Again, ergo, as a car moves forward, the gap moves backward, in ideal cases."

Need I explain the reactions of my chums? Some cried out,"Fundoo!!" while some howled,"Phod-phad!!" while others just sat there, looking helpless. Oh did I forget to say this was an intended humor? Ding-dong for those who did not get it.

In eminent schools for the wannabe techy community, such "humor" is a commonplace. The genre is identified by various names; in NIT Trichy, they call it "Chaat". Now, to the average Indian as well as for an above average foreigner, chaat means an altogether different piece of cake. Well, no, it is not a piece of cake or for that matter, it is no cake at all. It is, actually the Indian version of Fast Food. I'm, however, unaware of the etymology of Chaat in the context I'm referring it to, nonetheless, it stays. Talk about its popularity, it even has an unlisted organization that is notoriously active in the campus. This gang of revolutionaries call themselves the members of the OUCH!! which stands for Organization of Ultra Crass Humorists. The community holds the copyright for the lion's share of chaat circulating in the campus. Their so called "jokes" have been creatively destroying the serene moments, something which is very rarely available, of the ecolites. A few of them are worth a mention.

Disclaimer: The contents of the following prose piece maybe injurious to mental stability of peace loving netizens. Pregnant women and those who suffer from heart ailments are requested to be cautious as the content may result in increased levels of excitement, resulting in actions leading to self harm, primarily pulling of hair and chest beating. Thank you.

Some of these are really trivial. For the starters...
Q: Why doesn't Hitler like drinks made from fresh fruits?
A: Because he hates juice (read as Jews)

Q: Why did the married woman wear her wedding ring on the wrong finger?
A: Because she married the wrong guy.

Q: Why do prominent cosmopolitan cities of the world hold marathons in the name of charity?
A: Because they are running short of funds.

Q: Tom and Jerry were two bus-conductors. Once they were walking in the rain when lightning struck both of them. However, Tom died but Jerry survived. Why?
A: Tom was a bad conductor (of electricity) while Jerry was a good conductor (again, of electricity).

Q: How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A: No problem at all 'coz you'll never an elephant with one hand.

Q: If Isaac Newton stood on a square of surface area 1 square meter, what would happen to him?
A: He becomes Pascal.

Q: Why are undergraduate architecture students not dangerous"
A: Because B.Arching (read barking) dogs seldom bite. (no offences meant)

Well, the members of OUCH are not only criminal humorists, but established philosophers too. Some of their quotes have been written in gold in the textbooks of philosophy.

"O, P, P, O, R, T, U, N, I, T, Y, N, O, W, H, E, R, E can be either spelt as OPPORTUNITY NOWHERE or as OPPORTUNITY NOW HERE"

"When you jump off a tower, the tower doesn't fall with you."

"humor can be classified into 3:- jokes= which is good humor, PJ=poor joke= which is bad humor, complex joke= P+Ji= where Poor is real while Joke is imaginary"


PS: The author of this post is himself an active member of the outlaw organization, OUCH!!